49 Days...

M. pointed out this morning that we are now 7 weeks smoke free.

I have moments periodically where I think about a smoke. I wouldn't really call it a pang, or an urge, so much as just a thought.

This is what those thoughts are like...

For the last 2 years we have rented a house in the Florida Keys for a late season vacation with friends. Our friends have been generous enough to let M. and I stay in the master suite, which has a lovely covered balcony.

Here's a look at the view

As M. and I were both smokers the balcony was a perfect place to step outside and partake without having to wander down to the main floor to go outside. As the only smokers on the trip this was an ideal arrangement for us.

One of the highlights of the vacation was waking up in the morning before the sunrise. I spent every morning in a chair on the balcony waiting for the sun to come up. I'm not a morning person, but being in this beautiful place makes you want to experience every sunrise.

Here's an example of a sunrise from the balcony.

I was normally the first person awake, so I went to the kitchen and brewed a pot of coffee. I brought my coffee up to the balcony, had a smoke and savored the coffee, while waiting for the sun to creep up over the water. This whole process is pure enjoyment, and an experience that I wish I could repeat every day for the rest of my life.

So let me circle back to the original point...

As a non-smoker, I think about the activities that I enjoyed while I was a smoker, and ask myself if I will enjoy those activities as much now that I don't smoke. If I'm lucky enough to sit on that balcony again in the future, coffee in hand and waiting for the sun to rise over the ocean, will it be less enjoyable without the cigarette? Was the cigarette an important part of the experience?

It is a silly question really. I know that everything I do as a non-smoker is better than before. I also know that the thing of beauty was the sunrise, and that sipping a cup of coffee on a balcony in paradise doesn't require a cigarette to be complete. Yet my mind continues to ask if that is true. If the absence of the cigarette lessens the experience.

I'm not sure if that describes the pangs or urges that everyone who has quit encounters, or if this is unique to me. What I know is that I am winning the battle with my addiction. That 7 weeks have passed, and no experience has been less enjoyable because I failed to smoke.

Most importantly... I hope that not smoking will enable me to have many more visits to the balcony for coffee and beautiful sunrises.

- ND