01/17/2007
BRIGHT CHILDS DOOMSDAY CLOCK SET 10 SECONDS TO MIDNIGHT
SAINT LOUIS, Mo. – Ryan Creech announced today that he would be setting his personal doomsday clock to 10 seconds to midnight. Creech made the announcement in the company of his computer club and band friends.
Creeche’s comments were delivered after a particularly bad school day, where it is alleged that Bradley Smith made threats on Creeches life. “Brad said that not only was he going to take my lunch money tomorrow, but he was going to smash my face in with my piccolo. If I’m lucky I can run from band practice to trig without Brad seeing me.” Creech said.
Creech also announced that he planned on changing the position of the hands of his otherwise non-functional vintage Mr. Spock Star Trek clock (pictured below at it’s previous time of 4:58PM) at exactly eight PM. “My parents want me done with my homework and in bed by eight. I’d really like to stay up and study more, but that’s the rule.”
This is the first time the Creech doomsday clock has been changed since last week, when classmate Larry Finnley threatened to poke Creeches eye out with a mechanical pencil. The threatened attack never occurred. Creech, believing the threat had passed, reset the hands to their current time of 4:58PM.
Bradley (Brad) Smith, and officials at Gary Gilmore R3 Middle School could not be reached for comment at the time of this release.
17 comments:
Yes, yes. Informative, provocative and yet charmingly illogical.
Anon.
We formally request that you cease and desist from your posting of our copywrited material. We may consider allowing this content if and only if properly cited.
I thumb my nose at the Onion...
ND has been drinking at work again......
As Cornfucious says.
A man who puts unions in his nose cries not for others but himself.
C.
I'd cry if there was a union in my nose. Especially if they went on strike and stood around a fire in a 55 gallon drum.
Nabor Dan hates the Onion and unions. I do however, like Funions.
Mmmm Good - ND
Cornfucious also say...
OK smart ass, are the union members wearing the drums or is the fire in the drum?
Plus, wasn't Gary Gilmore a serial killer?
C.
I'm filing a grievance for picking on my posting. Ask my union steward the drum question.
Corn -
As a matter of fact, Gary Gilmore was a serial killer. Nice catch..
- ND
Union-busting Pinkerton.
C.
And I thought I was the only one who watched PBS...
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/carnegie/sfeature/mh_blue.html
Oops, too much Baileys...
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/carnegie/sfeature/mh_blue.html
gahdammit
www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/carnegie/sfeature/mn_blue.html
Nordy:
I heard that Carnegie and Al Gore invented the Internet out of a series of pipes that Carnegie had laying around.
Was that included in the documentary?
D.
It's all about Pinkertons, and for some reason this damn text entry box kept cutting off the end of the URL and I gave up. You see a period at the end of the last one. Put "html" at the end for personal edification.
NaborDan:
The static nature of your blog has caused the Doomsday Clock to be moved to .5 seconds from midnight.
I encourage everyone viewing this post to seek shelter immediately.
...And please remember to leave ample water and food on the surface level for your pets.
Anon.
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