Monday, November 05, 2007

Disclaimer...

I love disclaimers. I found this compilation online. Please feel free to add anything you think is necessary...

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final.


- ND

11 comments:

Nabor Dan said...

Sorry for being the first to comment, but I wanted to set a ground rule.

Please no references to "hotdog fingers"

- ND

Anonymous said...

I've always found that there was a much more significant penalty for belated withdrawl. That's what we need to teach the kids.

Anon.

Anonymous said...

Is that like "chicken fingers?"

I know that chickens don't have fingers, but sometimes I suspect that hotdogs may be made of fingers (among other things).

Anon.

Anonymous said...

Commercial hotdogs are made of chicken lips and a$$ holes. Everyone knows that -- I think it's on the (warning not disclaimer) label.

Bro. Dave

Anonymous said...

Dave - everybody knows chickens don't have lips, so what are you left with?

how about: light fuse, get away, do not put in eye.

Nabor Dan said...

Either there are several ANON's, or Bro. Dave has started to reply to his own comments. If there are more ANON's then the original ANON, please further Identify yourself.

That way we know who needs to be mocked!

- ND

alicewonderland said...

I like to envision Bro. Dave replying to his own comments. It makes it all much more amusing. BTW, I too like disclaimers. I'm a big fan, if applied appropriately. Most of the time when I have to write them I find them stupid. But if people came with disclaimers, I would find that helpful.

Anonymous said...

Fell asleep halfway through, woke up but had lost interest during my slumber.

“The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night”

Speaking of which - how do I smite the Missouri Public Service Commission?

Anonymous said...

There can be only one. If any other silly-assed Anon.'s want a piece of me, bring it on.

If I were Bro. Dave, by the way, why would I not simply be Bro. Dave on this site?

Here is my testimony:

I am the collective consciousness. I am everything and nothing at all. ...I am Anon.

Anon.

alicewonderland said...

You sound like the bore, I mean Borg. : )

Anonymous said...

Resistance is futile.

Anon.